So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
