It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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