Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
