Swine flu. Run for my life!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
