WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
