Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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