Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
