I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
