in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We left an ass print on the piano.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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