I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
