My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
please don't ironically join a cult
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