Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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