ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
