have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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