so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
