Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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