Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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