Don't you send me to vm
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
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Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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