I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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