did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
