Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.