I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.