I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
