Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (4028) Bad night (1182)
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  (845): View more from New York

  maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut

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  (845): maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut http://tfl.nu/29rz
  Replies (14) Good night (3673) Bad night (730)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

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  (740): While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day. http://tfl.nu/7t04
  Replies (37) Good night (6075) Bad night (1728)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.

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  (502): I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me. http://tfl.nu/3nq2
  Replies (6) Good night (967) Bad night (3703)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's like the pied piper of lesbians.

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  (405): She's like the pied piper of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/2bl6
  Replies (13) Good night (3705) Bad night (1087)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

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  (660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s
  Replies (3) Good night (5370) Bad night (1204)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.

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  (813): Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house. http://tfl.nu/ztm5
  Replies (9) Good night (3434) Bad night (946)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
  Replies (32) Good night (7480) Bad night (1045)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

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  (443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (1779)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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  (617): hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?" http://tfl.nu/pq50
  Replies (14) Good night (3707) Bad night (885)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night

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  (+44): i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night http://tfl.nu/5yd2
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (1564)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.

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  (859): I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold. http://tfl.nu/cgsp
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (850)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly

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  (401): Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly http://tfl.nu/cjgf
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (509)
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  (315): View more from New York

  you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out

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  (315): you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out http://tfl.nu/5vn0
  Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (273)
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  (714): View more from California

  I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?

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  (714): I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/i9uq
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (676)

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