K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea