wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
