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dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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