two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just want nice things and good sex
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night