we're chasing vodka with high fives
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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