do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
