she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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