So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
