I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
