In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
