i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
