There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
