A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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