Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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