hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
