I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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