420 ftw
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
