Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
