I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
