dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
