Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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