the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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