You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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