WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
