I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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