i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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