Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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