How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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