how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
