my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
