last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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