remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
