Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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