I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
