Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
