just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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