some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
