Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
