dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
