That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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