You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
