I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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